Visiting Hours

A gut punch in a bittersweet way was served to me last week with the release of a song I co-wrote November 16th, 2023 in regards to the dying. 

In a strange twist it happened to be the last song I wrote before my life dramatically changed and I lost the ones I loved the most. Which is very apropos. I wanted to share with you the timeline. And how time blows my mind.

July 30th,  2023 

I went to the studio to work with my friend Scott Effman. That day we were collaborating with a wonderful Canadian artist named Jon Bryant. I had never worked with Jon but the three of us hit it off and had a great day and wrote something we loved. 

July 31st, 2023

I saw a tik tok that had gone viral where a man talks about his wonderful friend who is dying of breast cancer and sadly also leaving behind her husband and children. Her dying wish is to have a list of some of her favorite artists come and perform for her. He shares the list in this video, and I happen to know several people on it. One of them is Jon, who I had worked with the day before. I text the friends who are on the list in case they can help in making this dream come true. One of the messages I send out is to Jon.

August 3rd, 2023  

Jon responds saying he had been slammed with messages about the video and he was coordinating to make it happen and play a show for the woman.

November 16th, 2023

Jon is back in Los Angeles and goes into the studio with Scott and I again to write some more for his forthcoming album. We talk about what unfolded in the months prior and he tells us he got to play for the family and that the husband of the woman, who has sadly since passed, and him have become friends. We talk about what a beautiful connection they have and how deeply sad it is for this man to be without the love of his life.

As we weave our way around this heavy loss and the ways this man and others sat and visited with his wife before she left, we write this beautiful song about how life as a whole feels like a collection of visiting hours. We write this song for this man, from his perspective on how he didn’t want his wife to slip away. All he wanted was for her to just stay. Because we can only imagine. We can’t do anything to take his pain away, but we can make a beautiful song and empathize and try to make something to remind people how fleeting it all is.  We write lines like  “Close my eyes, and it’s us in a room full of flowers. In this life, all we have are these visiting hours” 

December 19th 2023

33 days later, my husband landed in the emergency room. We don’t know it yet but he is going to be diagnosed with cancer two weeks later. We don’t know it yet but we are going to get really familiar with the term “visiting hours”. I didn’t know it yet, but soon I can’t just “imagine” this man's pain that we wrote the song for. I will know it deeply. Just 33 days prior, I sat in a room and crafted a beautiful song for a man I didn’t know and tried to sit in his pain as I searched for the right words and melodies with my collaborators. Now, his battle cry is mine. His pain is my pain. Now, all I want is for my husband not to slip away. I would do anything for him to just stay. 

Six weeks ago August 24th, 2024

My sweet husband slips away and leaves his body. 

October 3rd, 2024 

I got tagged in a video of Jon promoting a song that he is releasing (it’s out now) on October 4th. “Visiting Hours”. At this point my whole universe has shifted since we’ve written the song. I’ve lost my (foster) son back to the system, I’ve lost my husband. I didn’t even remember the song or when we had written it. But the moment I saw the clip, it all came back. And yes, if you read my last piece, the tears came right with it. 

So, here I am, less than a year later after we’ve written “Visiting Hours” I am on the other side of the line. Standing with and relating to  a man I don’t know who is living somewhere out there with the loss of his precious wife. I can say that at least for me, these lyrics ring true. Past me wrote something that future me would feel more deeply than I ever could have thought possible. And I hope that other people who might be going through similar things feel seen in this song, and in this space I share with you. 

I don’t believe everything happens for a reason anymore. I believe things just keep happening, because life keeps happening. But if we look closely, we are all more connected and reflective of each other than we realize. And if we open our eyes and hearts we will continue to see ourselves in each other more frequently and in more meaningful ways as we grow, as long as we keep visiting each other. And at the risk of continuing to quote myself (and Jon Bryant and Scott Effman) the truth is, in this life, all we have are these visiting hours. 

Visiting Hours performed by Jon Bryant

Written by Rosi Golan / Jon Bryant / Sott Effman 

11/16/23 

In the middle of an afterburn

I’m too scared to watch the tables turn 

Lay my hand beneath the garden gates 

Don’t wanna let you wash away  

Count the ways you’re streaming through my veins 

I remember how you tried to stay 

They don’t tell you how the world goes on

I feel it now that you’re gone

Keep me close 

Hold me in the darkest night 

Don’t you know 

That I’m always on your side  

Close my eyes, and it’s us in a room full of flowers 

In this life, all we have are these visiting hours 

In this life, all we have are these visiting hours

I would follow you down any road

Nova Scotia down to Mexico 

Lose the map and roll the windows down

We’ll leave a ghost in every town 

Keep me close 

Hold me in the darkest nights 

Don’t you know 

That I’m always on your side  

Close my eyes, and it’s us in a room full of flowers 

In this life, all we have are these visiting hours 

In this life, all we have are these visiting hours

Till you say goodbye, till we close our eyes, till we see the light 

Stay where you are, stay where you are