11 Things That Don't Suck

In the eleven months since my husband passed

This past week we lost Andrea Gibson and I’ve been reflecting on how they created this incredibly beautiful space out of their Substack, Things That Don’t Suck, around the same time they got sick. Their ability to pull the light out of the darkest spaces was a real source of comfort for me in the long days I spent in the hospital or at home caring for Jeremy. 

It gave me some perspective on what he may be going through, and also hope that he could see the world this way through the cancer and the hand he had been dealt. I loved sharing Andrea's writing with him. And he really appreciated it, because he was always looking on the light side of life. 

I am trying so hard every day to look at life through Andrea colored glasses. It is a practice. In honor of Andrea, and their substack, I have made my own list of things that don’t suck. 

Eleven months since Jeremy left

Eleven things that didn’t suck.

1. Spending time in Australia

2. Lots of new babies on the way (friends and families babies)

3. Laughing again

4. Finally popping that fancy bottle of champagne we waited to open. It was good. Wish he’d been here for it. 

5. Getting published!!! 

6. Playing some shows again 

7. My friends! 

8. Doing Karaoke with the Wilsons at Christmas. 

9. Eating Sushi on the couch in my underwear. 

10. Daily chocolate. 

11. Getting signs from Jeremy

These days, it’s the small wins, not the big ones, that carry me through the moments that feel like they’ll never stop squeezing my chest.

I try to breathe.

I try to remember that as much as it hurts to admit

All things pass.

All things change.

There’s been so much change on my planet this past month, it’s thrown me into a wild spin. Nothing feels still. The waves keep coming.

So I try to keep things slow. I try to lay on my back, and let the water carry me. X